nagising ako knina dahil sa isang pangit na panaginip. hanggang ngayon, pag naiisip ko parang ayoko na munang matulog bka kasi mapanaginipan ko pa ulit. mahirap magising sa katotohanan pero mas masaklap ang mamuhay sa kasinungalingan. bakit ko nasabi? wala lng. gusto ko lang. totoo naman talaga ang bagay na ito.

naisip kong magbsa ng mga blog knina. karamihan sa sa mga tao, naghahanap ng kani-kanilang kaligayahan. isama mo na ako sa listahan. anu-ano nga ba ang mga bagay na tunay na nakapagpapaligaya sa atin? pera ba? dahil sa maaari mong bilhin lahat ng gusto mo kapag marami kang kwarta..? maraming taong gustong maging mayaman dahil sa gusto nila ng maraming pera. dahil halos lahat nlng yata ng bagay sa mundo ay kayang bayaran ng pera. bahay.sapatos.bags.gadgets.magarang kotse.condo.mansion.resort.eroplano.helikopter.laruan.isla.at kahit siguro isang buong bansa kaya mong bilhin kung marami kang pera. hindi na ako maghuhugas kamay. isa ako sa mga taong gustong maging mayaman.gustong kumita ng malaki para matustusan ang mga luho sa buhay na gusto kong makuha. naalala ko nung unang beses akong sumweldo. hndi nman yun kalakihan. mabilis dn naubos. nabigyan ko cla mama, si tita, yung iba kong kapatid. nkapagbayad ako ng utang. at nakabili ako ng isang damit. tapos nun, nakita ko nlang bgla ang sarili ko na naghahangad ng mas higit pa. nakakatawang isipin pero gumawa ako ng christmas wishlist na halos ngkakahalaga ng 16K. ahahahaha...

hanggang sa dumating yung araw na naisip ko kung talaga nga bang mapapasaya ako ng mga bagay na nabibili ko gmit ang pera. nagnilay ako ng maigi. maraming bagay ang nakapagbukas ng aking isipan. ang mga bagay na to ay madaling nawawala. nasisira. lumilipas. nakaramdam ako ng kalungkutan. hindi pala yon ang magbibigay sa atin ng kaligayan. maaring oo, pero panandalian lamang.

naisip ko ang aking pamilya. kaibigan at iba pang mga mahal sa buhay. ang mga taong palging maging malungkot man ako o masaya. kung sumupungin man ako ng aking pagkatopakin at kung lumuwag man ang isa sa mga turnilyo sa aking utak ay nandyan parin cla para ako'y samahan, pakinggan,at batukan. sa mga panahong walang-wala ako ang mga taong ita ang maipagmamalaki kong meron ako sa aking buhay. madalas man na ako ang humihiwalay sa kanila dhil mas pinapahalagahan ko ang mga bagay/ taong madaling nawawala at umaalis sa aking buhay, alam kong palagi clang andyan. alam kong cla lang yung dadamay sken. cla lang yung makikinig sa mga kwento kong kahit paulit-ulit na at masakit na sa tenga. cla yung mga taong kahit ilang beses akong nakagawa ng katangahan sa buhay ay hnding-hndi ako huhusgahan. ang mga taong tanggap kung cno at kung ano ako. ako ay isang baliw. alam nila yan. iyakin ako at mahina. sila ang mga taong walang sawang nagpapaalala sa akin na andyan palagi si God. reading-ready para ako'y paluin at patahanin.

namimiss ko na ang mga taong ito. sa peysbuk ko nlng cla nakakausap. swerte ko nlng kpag nkikita ko cla. ngkakaroon ako ng pagkakataon para mayakap cla. pero gusto ko ulit silang makasama. makakwentuhan.


ito ang wish ko ngayong pasko. hndi sya mabibili ng pera. sna matanggap ko.

author's note: this is my blog post last { July 10, 2008 @ 3:25 am } · { Uncategorized } { } · { Comments } on my FS blog
i decided to repost it... wla lng... :) this is one of my passion


i’ve read this sign on a shirt in a known boutique…
it caught my attention.
i doubted it.
there are lot of times when we don’t mean what we say.
and oftentimes we don’t mean what we do.
things we do and the things we say does not jive with each other.
these things happen especially when we want to conceal our hidden agendas.
our inner feelings.
we do this because we tend to conform to what wud others wud think.
it is our form of ESCAPE.
in one way or another, we don’t feel like ourselves wen we do such things.
we look for other ways to express our true selves.

wen we were born in this world, the very first thing we learned is to ACT.
we acquire this through mimicking.
we mimic our parents, our yayas and etc.
we learn from their gestures towards us.
then,as we begin to speak we mimic wat they say.
we repeat wtever they tell us to say…
as we grow, we acquire knowledge.
we attend schooling.
our parents wud teach us to write our names then the numbers and etc.
as we progress from grade one to grade six, we learn to construct sentences.
then we learned how to write a paragraph.
we were taught how to write a letter.
then we write journals.
articles.
diaries.
when we write, we unreservedly write everything we want to say.
especially wen we do it only for ourselves.
we do this wen we can’t say watever we wanted to day.
we do this in our own private place.
a place where we can be just purely ourselves.
there are certain things that you don’t wish to do or say but you just have to express it. and so we write it.

for me writing blogs reveals our true selves.
it unveils the hidden truths behind our smiles, laughter and tears.
it does not only divulge our other side but it cud also be a means of free expressionism.( damn, where d hell did got that one?)
maybe i’m saying this because i’m one of the few people hu can’t do the things they want to do and say the things they are meaning to say.
but not all people hu write blogs are like me.
they may be true in watever aspect expressing themselves.

maybe, just maybe…
we shud all apply this to ourselves…

MEAN WATEVER U SAY, DO AND WRITE! ^^

TAWEEEEEELIS!

*suki! bili kna dito! sariwa mga isda ko ngayon... bagong huli yan...*

matao. maingay. maraming ilaw. malangaw ;). maputik. malansa ang amoy.

yan ang karaniwang eksenang makikita pagpasok mo sa palengke.

nung bata pa lang ako, madalas na 'kong sumama sa nanay ko at sa tiyahin kapag namamalengke. akong yung julalay nila. tagabitbit ng mga plastic na may lamang karne ng baboy, baka, isda, gulay at kung anu-ano pa. pag meron akong napagtripan at nagustuhan, nagpapabili ako kay mama. swerte kung ibili nia ako...kung hindi nman, ok lang.

kaninang umaga, pauwi na kame galing duty ng naisipan ni mama na dumaan sa palengke ng pasay. kahit na wala pa akong tulog, hindi nman ako maka-angal. :p

sabi ng nanay ko, maghintay na lang daw ako dun sa isang side, siya na lang daw yung papasok sa loob. hindi ako pumayag. mas gugustuhin ko pang mag-lakad sa loob ng maputika t maingay na apalengke, kesa mghintay at magmukmok sa isang sulok. boring yun. baka makatulog lang ako. :p

bibili siya ng mga pang-sahog sa ulam.una naming pinuntahan yung pwesto ng mga karne ng baboy at baka. mejo marunong naman akong tumingin ng sariwang karne kahit papaano :))

tinignan ko ng maigi kung panu hiniwa ni kuya-manong yung karne ng baboy. no sweat! parang natutulog lang. saktong sakto ang ang bawat bagsak ng kutsilyo dun sa karne. kahit nga hind nia tignan eh. hahaha... oo, namangha ako! ako kasi, super effort kapag nghihiwa. iba siguro talaga kapag palagi mo nang ginagawa. nagiging parte na ng sistema mo.

sumunod naman sa mga isda. kahit na matagal na akong sumama sa kanila sa pamamalengke, BOKYA pa din ako sa pagtingin kung sariwa pa ba yung isda o hindi na. minsan tsumatsamba, pero madalas ayokong sumugal kya hndi ako namimili ng isda. :p ma, turuan mo nga ako... :)

yung nanay ko knina, parang may hinhanap. hindi ko naman alam kung ano. hangang sa huminto siya sa isang tindahan ulit ng isda. "magkano sa tawilis?" tanong nia dun sa mama... "kwarenta kalahati.." ewan ko ba kung bakit nia pa tinanong eh, may kardbord na nga sa ibabaw ng tumpok ng mga tawilis. and nakasulat *P 40.00 1/2* hahahaha.... dedma rin naman si manong.. habang nakatayo pa lng kame ni mama, tinitignan na nung manong yung nakasulat sa yuniform namen... "taga pasay gen ba kayo?" tanong nia samen... "opo.." sagot ko naman... "yung manugang ko, dun din nagtatrabaho eh..dun sya sa dietary.." nung iaabot na ni mama yun bayad sbay sa pagabot ng mama sa plastic ng tawilis... "cge na, libre na yan..pabuenas.." etong nanay ko naman eh tlgang mapilit magbayad...kunyari pang ayaw ng libre.. *peace maaaaa! :)* hahahha... eh mapilit 'tong si manong.. "cge na, sa susunod na lang na balik nio...yun hindi na libre...i-kamusta nio nlng kme kay tess... " salamat po manong!!! hndi ko man lng natanong yung pangalan nio... :)

ahahahaha... ang galing galing!

"ate, sukli nio ho..."

matao. maingay. maraming ilaw. malangaw ;). maputik. malansa ang amoy.

yan ang karaniwang eksenang makikita pagpasok mo sa palengke.

pero sa pag-labas namin, marami akong natutunan. marami bagay na hindi nakikita, naamoy at nararamdaman sa loob ng palengke...

ang pagdadamayan, pakikisama, at pakikipag kapwa-tao...

breathe in...breathe out

wen pipol get tired of wat dey'r doing, they are faced with these two options: 1.) to take a rest and then continue after regaining strength; 2.) to stop and let go of everything they've done without looking back...

_think_about_it!

stress ball

GUD MORNING! yeah...
wat a typical tym for me to blog huh? it's 0156 in my watch btw...

i just had my uplifting...mind blowing conversation with a significant person in my life ryt now... or shud i say my stress ball... no we're not in a relationship...we're not dating either... we're just getting to know each other... the thing is, he tried to court me... and honestly, i liked him *applause for u*... but ironically, i actually told him to stop...

i guess, u guys know that i just had a failed relationship not more than six months ago... and it wasn't just another fling that i had... it was a serious one... or at least, i was serious about it... yeah, i'm taking relationships seriously, more than anything in this world...more than my homeworks...more than my nursing process...more than my nursing care plan which is really vital for me as a nursing student/nurse :|
my life actually turned upside down when he decided to cool things off between us and eventually led into not seeing/talking to each other anymore.... i was a pathetic human being that time... not knowing where to start again, as if my whole life was wrecked...

and then, there came mr.jfk... i labeled him that in my fonebuk... :P it was an unexpected confession he made about two months ago through FB... :p hehehe...that was funny... at first, i really don't like him... i think he's weird... and he still is... :p but of course i didn't act aloof... i actually entertained him...

as time went by, i discovered his sweet/funny/serious/intellectual/soft/caring side... which really started to melt the metal bars that's holding my precious heart in prison... yeah, he was able to do that... it really feels good talking to him...
well, we talk more often through chat, fb, and fone...we seldom talk in person... i wished we cud though... how i wish... :D i actually think i found d one who'd do anything and everything for me... sumone who'd love me in my worst and in my best...he looks at me as if i mean the whole world to him... he's that sumone i wish one day i cud have for the rest of my life...

but then, i held back...

i don't think it's right... i'm very vulnerable to hurting others... that's my point... i don't want him to get hurt... then i realized, i'm doing it already... so where's my point going to?


yeah, maybe i'm crazy... but i just hope i don't regret the decisions i made right now... i hope that watever the outcomes maybe, i'l be able to paint a smile on my face... i'm not waiting for a miracle to happen... i just wanted to be fair with him... for now, i want to see him happy... because he deserve that...ol i wanted is to be free from my past before i enter into a new relationship...


in that case, it requires patience i guess...

in the end i'd still stick to this quote i heard from a local TV program...

*they say it's a perfect love when the mind agrees with the heart...*

for now, my mind does not agree with my heart...
if only love cud wait...

_theWISHFUL&HOPEFULempress

....

i was trying to figure some things out since last night...
things that might or may change my life...
i was being ambivalent on the choices that's being laid down in my life right now...

a part of me says go...
a part of me says, hold on...no not yet...

well, maybe God doesn't really want me to decide things immediately...
maybe i should take things slowly...

*breathe in... Breathe out...*



*they say it's a perfect love when the mind agrees with the heart...*

love waits... hope u cud... ^_*
:)

i saw a ghost from the past last night… such a beautiful ghost who gave me a bad dream that until now i haven’t woken up… a sweet dream turned out into a beautiful nightmare i wish i never had… i thought i was already done dreaming… that monster wasn’t really chasing me…nor did it even see me nor even knew that i ever existed… but the mere fact that i saw the ghost gives me chills… makes me sick… drowns me from the bitterness the reality and dreamland could offer… last night i wish i was blind… but then, i wasn’t… and now i realized i’m still the miserable empress you left hanging…

_wake up @_@